Love is not possessive

Two hands reaching towards each other over a wooden table.

When Moses first encountered God, they are not very far into their conversation before he asks God for a name.  Relationships require a form of address.  Every god had a name by which their worshipers offered praise and supplication.  But this god offers a non-name.  YHWH.  “I Am Who I Am.”

The request is not as innocuous as it seems.  Possessing a name tethers the transcendent and makes the unfathomable familiar.  We can’t possess a life, but we do possess a name.  It initiates a type of ownership over what we can’t own.  Moses’ wish—not malicious, just human—was a nascent form of idolatry, encapsulating God in a thing.

Judging from history, it is normal practice for humans to objectify the sacred and claim possession.  Knowing a name is believed to provide leverage.  The generous offer of Jesus—“Whatever you ask for in my name I will do”— is turned into a magical spell, putting the namer in charge.  God is no longer free.

In modern times, the ancient impulse of Moses is replaced by objects treated as sacred.  Money, an ordinary object with no intrinsic value, confers its power on eager worshipers.  Unfortunately, neither God nor transcendence is found in money.

A woman in a glamorous blue gown waves to the crowd on a red carpet, surrounded by photographers and fans, with a magical golden swirl of light around her.

We do the same with people, labeling as love what is actually extraction.  A woman’s idealized body or a celebrity’s aura are appropriated for their numinous properties.  Both are efforts to obtain what is impossible otherwise.  Objectification is the inverse of love, since objects are loved for the reward.

In cases of objectification, the goal is to possess the power of the object, to control what is otherwise free.  The idol is the source of power, and only ownership guarantees gratification.  When people serve a function, they are no longer people.

Objectified love is not love.

Being immaterial, love enters the world through the actions that it inspires.  God’s power is found within.  Neither God nor love can be possessed.

What cannot be possessed does not seek possessions.  God does not possess creation.  Love does not control people or seek gratification. 

Evil grasps.  God lets go.

Humans experience letting go as a loss.  We displace our own importance, remove ourselves from the equation, release what we possess.  We feel the grief of separation.  But only then can we do what is truly best for someone else. 

Love is selfless, just like the God with No Name.  There is no escaping the immateriality of God and love.  What cannot be possessed teaches us to let go.


A person handing a red gift box with a gold ribbon and a tag labeled 'To: You' to another person, with a decorated Christmas tree and other presents in the background.

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